Self-Care

Remember, you can’t be your best self or care for others if you do not practice self-care

Self-care does not have to be extravagant, expensive, or time consuming. It does not have to be solitary trips to foreign lands where you discover yourself (we should all be so lucky to have the means and time to do that!). In fact, I would encourage you to take fantastical journeys in your own head of self-discovery, where you catalogue and appreciate all the fine, wonderful, unique things about yourself. Because guess what, no matter where you go, there you are—the farthest trips from your home base do not take you away from yourself and any issues you may be facing.

I know, especially for women, that self-care can be something seen as nearly sinful and there seems to be this drive to meet the needs of all others, but not ourselves. A metaphor I often used with my clients who were visibly ragged and insisted they had no time for themselves, was the demonstration given aboard airplanes about oxygen mask use. Flight attendants tell us when the masks drop to place the masks on ourselves first and then our children or others who may need assistance. If we fail to get oxygen to ourselves first we may not be able to meet the needs of others and then all could perish. That metaphor always seemed to make an impression on my clients.

I remember a really stressed-out, pressured client on my family stabilization caseload. As part of my overall assessment of her I asked her about her self-care. I received the usual blank look and she went on to say that money was so strapped that she could not possibly afford to do anything for herself. I suggested some relatively inexpensive ideas and when I mentioned “taking a bubble bath” the shift in her body language was immediate and she looked at me with intensity. She said she loved to take bubble baths and the thought never occurred to her. She instantly said she could afford bubble bath from the dollar store and that when her kids were in bed, she could take the bubble bath then. On her plan task list for that week that included: go to DMV to register car, attend parent-teacher conference, make dental appointments for children, apply for birth certificate for youngest child, I added take bubble bath. At first she thought it was silly to add bubble bath to her list of things she needed to accomplish, but I looked at her with a serious face and impressed upon her that she could not keep up the pace she was without self-care, and if she collapsed, who would care for the children? I could see a crack in her former thinking as I presented the information to her this way. If I had not insisted she practice self-care and added it as a task to complete, I think it would have been too easy for her to not think about taking care of herself.

The more stressed out you are and the more people you care for, the more you need to consciously carve out time for your self-care: put it on your calendar, set a reminder on your phone, whatever it takes. And please get out of the mindset that it is something frivolous or useless.

IDEAS FOR SELF-CARE

  • Bubble bath (don’t forget candles, goodies, a book or music)

  • Quiet time to write poetry, doodle, do crossword or jigsaw puzzles

  • Read a book

  • Taking a walk

  • Making your favorite meal

  • Connecting with nature

  • Scrapbooking

  • Art project

  • Get a tattoo

  • Cuddle with your pet

  • Put down your phone and stare off into the distance or watch birds

  • Play cards with a close friend

  • Take a day trip

  • Try a recipe you have been wanting to do

  • Sit outside with a cup of coffee or tea and enjoy the sun or a breeze on your face

  • Exchange massages with a close friend; even just hands or feet can be relaxing and beneficial

  • Create an alter in your home, even a small space, of things that you like or are important to you that reflect who you are

Bath and bubble photos from Pixabay